My List of stuff i would like to do or would happy in 2012
- * Become a mom 1st and foremost!!
- * carry full term
- * de-clutter my kitchen
- *de-clutter my laundry room
- *spend more time with my family
- * go to church
- *exercise more often
- * get down to 160lbs
- * take the dogs for more walks
- *visit my grandmother more
- *make new recipes
- * take more pictures
- * read more books
- * educate people on PCOS & Infertility
- *Clean my Car (inside)
In the new year, we pray
that You will guide us each new day
in paths that are pleasing to You.
Lord, the new year gives us another chance
to rededicate our lives to You,
to study Your Word
so that we know right from wrong
and to act in accordance with Your commands.
Thank You for the sense of
direction, purpose and peace we get
from aligning our lives with Your Holy will.
We pray for the strength and the will to obey You
each and every day of the new year,
and when we fail, we pray for Your mercy,
Your compassion, Your grace and Your love.
Help us in the new year to be Your faithful servants.
In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen.
I want to be a Mother
A Mom Wannabe
By Alison Kathleen Whitney
I want to be a Mom. But I can't. Instead, I am a Mom Wannabe.
I want to procreate. I want to conceive a child, naturally, with my
husband, in the privacy of our home, in the spirit of love and passion,
in the way God intended. But I can't.
I want to discover that my period is several days late. I want to buy a
pregnancy test and pee on a stick. I want to see a + sign. I want to cry
tears of joy for the news we'd discovered. But I can't. Instead, I cry
tears of pain at random, for no reason and with no warning.
I want to experience morning sickness. I want my hormones to go haywire.
I want the "pregnant glow". I want to have my husband talk to my belly.
But I can't. Instead, I try not to look pregnant. I don't buy clearance
clothes for next year, "just in case". I try to keep my emotions from
going haywire. I dream that my husband talks to my belly.
I want to take prenatal vitamins. I want to eat for two. I want to
schedule my first doctor's visit. I want to sit in the waiting room with
other pregnant women and know that I am one of them. But I can't.
Instead, I wonder if those pregnant women ever had problems conceiving.
I think how cute they look as they waddle with their big bellies. I
smile at babies that are not mine. I ache from loving someone I've never
met.
I want to hear the doctor say "You're Pregnant. Your progress is right
on schedule." But I can't. I want to surprise my parents with a new
grandchild. I want to tell my friends and family our good news. I want
my life to change overnight. I want to read "What to Expect When You're
Expecting". But I can't. Instead, I have no news to tell. I realize my
life hasn't changed in years. I read "When Empty Arms become a Heavy
Burden".
I want to monitor the progress. I want to see ultrasounds. I want to
hear the heartbeat. I want to watch our baby grow. I want to feel the
kicks, but I can't. I want to decorate the nursery. I want to childproof
our home. I want to shop for adorable, soft, tiny outfits. I want to
shop at Gymboree. I want to save money for the baby's future. Instead, I
imagine a crib in an empty room down the hall. I avoid baby stores in
the mall. We spend our money on doctor's appointments, tests and
high-tech procedures. We spend our money on a dream. We are left with an
empty bank account. We are left with empty arms.
I want to share the experience with my pregnant friends. I want to
compare symptoms. I want to be the guest of honor at a baby shower. But
I can't. Instead, I watch my friends get pregnant quickly. I watch their
bellies grow, attend their showers, see their pictures and try to be a
good friend. I watch their lives change and our friendships change in
front of my eyes.
I want my belly to drop. I want my water to break. I want contractions.
I want an epidural. I want my husband by my side and my family in the
waiting room. I want the pushing. I want the pain. I want to hear the
cry. But I can't. Instead, I feel a different pain. I hear my own cry.
Yes, I even hear the cry of my husband which hurts more than I had ever
imagined.
I want to hold our baby in my arms, with tears of joy streaming down our
faces. I want to experience the miracle of birth, thinking "We did it",
but knowing that God did it. But I can't. Instead, I hold my husband in
my arms with tears of sorrow streaming down our faces and wondering what
God's plan is for us and why we have to go through this.
I want to pray that one extra special blessing be added to my life. And
I do. I pray my 1000th unanswered prayer to God and hope this time He
answers. I pray for the miracle of life that only God can give. I pray
that someday soon He will give it to us.
I want to be a mom, but I can't. Instead, I am right where God wants me
to be: thankful for our blessings, searching out His will, basking in
His grace, trusting in His perfect plan, praying for a change in
status...
From a mom wannabe, to the mom I WANT to be.
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