thinking alot..

          Too beautiful for this earth

Iv been thinking alot about the MC today. I kinda just wanna crawl up into a ball and cry. I don't know why out of all days...The hormones due to clomid maybe? I dunno, or the fact i will be spending Christmas with out a child again. We would almost be 16weeks pregnant and i think about it and how my belly would be growing and if i would be feeling little flutters or if i would have heartburn or crabbiness. But no i got that taken away from me so soon. But why i ask.. Will i ever know the answer to that question probably not! With trying to get pregnant again it scares the heck out of me. I don't know what i will do if i have another mc. It was depressed with the 1st one.. what would another one due to me? put me in the damn Psych Ward probably!I am more then ready to be a mother, and my husband is more then ready to be a father. We have all the love in the world to give a child! We might not be billionaires or have a top notch house but we have love and a roof over our head and food and that's all we need! I get so sick and tired of hurting so much, and i get tired of being strong. I am only one person who has been threw alot! Pretty much hell and back. I know i know people out there do have it worse then me. But for me this is the worst it can get being with empty arms!

But i will end this on a good note. We get Renays Laptop back tomorrow and ours is going in to get fixed!