Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Thank you hormones

I have very sore boobs!!!!!

Blood work & Great news!!

So today is day 4 of my shots(well don't take 4th shot till tonight) and i had my estradiol blood test today "estrogen level" and its at a 193 after only 3 days of meds...vs,...last time at 6 days of being on medication i was at only 100!! I do 187.5 units tonight and wed night and thur at 10:30am get an US to measure my eggs to see if i have any that are mature!! Im soo excited!! My estrogen levels last time for 1 mature egg was at 322 so lets hope and pray!! i wanna jump up and down and cry and scream i'm happy with these results!! Lets hope my body keeps on the right track!! Iv been taking my prenatal and walking ever day! these crazy hormons have me hungry sometimes so in the evening iv been snacking i need to STOP!!


Monday, January 30, 2012

Day 3....

Today has been an ok day!! Woke up will a killer headache and a little tummy problems but it's worth it all!! Went to my grandmas today and visited with her then Renay and Colton and Marie and blaze came over we had a great time!! Grandma made us bacon and eggs and toast it was good!!! Then came home and relaxed!! Took shot number 3 at 7:10pm 187.5 units... Really making my stomach hurt tonight but nothing a heat pad can't fix... Bloodwork tomorrow morning should have results around 4pm! I'm going to my friend dawns house after bloodwork!! Hoping for good news!!!!! Let's hope my body is working with the meds!!!!!!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Day 2 of shots!!!

Just did my 2nd day of fertility shots!! I believe I put it in to slow it kinda hurt a little and burned!! But it's ok worth all of it! Well this is kinda short but the shot is done and over with let's move onto day 3!! I'm actually excited to get my bloodwork back on Tuesday I have a great feeling things will go good!!!!

Also Please again keep my friend jean in prayers she is also going threw fertility issues and no period yet so good news we hope!!!!

Me giving me my shot i my belly day 2!

What a Saturday!!!!

Hi!!! What a busy Saturday!! When to a scentsy party in the morning..then in the afternOon went to Winona and went to my friend Sarah's little girl Zoe's 3rd birthday!! She is so cute!! I had a good time...then came home had some KFC with the hubby and I took my first round of gonal f shots at 7:10pm at 187.5units then we got ready and went out to the bar and hung out with my friends and danced but no worrie no drinking for me!! I'm not going to chance anything no dinkIng.. Iv been "trying" to eat healthy but I really need to grocery shop but iv only had a few bad items :-( but as of Monday healthy healthy!! Iv been exercising and taking my vitamins so that's good!! The gonal f hasn't gave me much trouble... Some but not much!! I'm hoping and praying this will work!! I go into the doctor on Tuesday for bloodwork to see if my body is taking to this medication!! It worked one time so it will work again!!!!!!!! RIGHT?!?!

Ready Set Go!! Day 1 of Gonal-f shots!!

Thursday, January 26, 2012

And the doctor said.......

Well....talked to the doctor and everything is order to start!!!!!!!!! So... here is what it looks like

  1. period (today 1-26)
  2. period (fri 1-27)
  3. Day 1 of shots...187.5 units (sat 1-28)
  4. Day 2 of shots...187.5 units (sun 1-29)
  5. Day 3 of shots ..187.5 units  (mon-1-30)
  6. Get blood work done before 9am then call lab talk after 3pm and then that will tell me to up my dose or decrees my dose or come in for an ultrasound
we have 2-900unit gonal f pens...i hoping we don't need anymore because they are very very expensive..Plus later on we still need to buy the ovidrel 1 time shot thats ($105.38) and the progesterone 20 days worth ( $39.03) sucks that insurance doesn't pay for any of that medication...but i am lucky it does pay for all my doctors app and my ultrasounds and blood work  

My Fears
  •  My body won't corporate
  • My body will corporate to well and to many eggs will be realest and if that happens the doctors won't want you to move forward because of  multiple births...we all know leo and i want kids..but i don't want us to be the next jon and kate plus 8 haha...If that happens that's alot of money we used to not move forward withl.
  • We will get pregnant...and end up in a mc again.....i don't know how i could handle that...
  • it just don't work

Excited?!? Yes very...but mostly scared....i will try my best to keep calm and take it day by day..
Going to my Reiki sessions once a week helps me alot!! I also need to remember if i don't feel like doing something then don't do it...take care of ME first!!..

Once again its going to be another emotional month but i can handle it...i/we have came this far...we can keep on going!!!!!

SOME EDUCATION FOR YOU ON MEDICATION( These are what i will be taking or have all ready took)

Provera: Medication to induce  your period 
Goanl-F Shots (follitropin alfa injection)  

progesterone suppositories


its time.............

This is what i have been waiting for all week,,My PERIOD has arrived...kinda funny i look forward to it...but i know that's one more step closer to maybe getting pregnant...just called the doctor waiting to hear back...i should be starting our Gonal-F shots on Saturday... I'm excited...scared...emotional...because i want nothing more then for this to worked the 1st time i hope and pray it works this time...please keep us in your prayers...will write more when doc calls back and gives me details on what to do...

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

r.a.n.d..o.m Funny!!

12 day wait!!

Talked to the doctor today about my period not showing up yet and the deadly cramps and how I have no energy and all I got told was... You need to wait 12 take a pregnacy test then call us back!! Lordy I hope this don't last 12 more days because thus sucks!!!!!!! I HATE WAITING!!!

What I woke up to......

So last night I felt horriable .. My hubby took good care of me today I woke up to bad cramps!!!!! Let this be a sign that Af will be arriving i was hoping to have started my shots by now but nope stubborn Af won't come!!!!!!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Humm.,,,,TMI post'!!

Ok I know it's only been a day since I finished my provera and not much of a sign of a period..a little red when I wipe but that's it also crazy bad back cramps and been very very tired!! I just want it to come so we can get rolling on the gonal f shots! I wanna be pregnant ad of yesterday lol!! My energy level is at a negative ten lol all I wanna do is lay in bed!!! But I force myself to get up and do a few things here and there even a easy non healthy dinner frozen pizza not my favorite but I don't wanna cook how sad!!! I love cooking!! Well kinda of a random vent blog... Please also say a prayer for my friend jean she is starting he fertility journey of trying to become a momma!!! Love ya jean!! Have a good night everyone!!

Monday, January 23, 2012

the waiting game.......

The wonderful waiting game for my period to arrive...Finished my provera thought my period was going to show yesterday however it didn' soon as it decided to come i will have to call over to my obgyn and go from there...i know on day 3 of my period i will start my gonal-f shots....How exciting... I'm excited for this time round of shots..i just know my body can handle this and get pregnant and carry full term! Iv been taking all my vitamins.. haven't been exercising as much as i should be..however running up and down the stairs like 8x a day to re fill our wood stove i think that equals to exercise lol  !! well i will post more when things start rocking and rolling!!!

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

doctors app

Today i had my 2 year gastric bypass rny post-op follow up and everything is perfect! I have maintained my weight i have not even gained a pound!! whoop whoop!! Ok I'm still not at my goal weight but i haven't gained weight so i give myself credit for that. Almost 2 years since my life has changed for the better...My lab work came back perfect my blood sugar and blood pressure was PERFECT!!! The only medication i take now is...Prenatal, multi vitamins and a b12 shot!! how fantastic is that!!

                              BEFORE SURGERY

                                                                                     almost 2 years and 120lbs lighter!!

Ok....So today is day 4 of my provera still no signs of a period coming however i still have 6 pills left so looking at the middle to end of next week! Then we can start our gonal f shots...Im so excited but scared at the same time...but im so lucky to have such a great support system..I couldn't ask for better friends and family!!

Monday, January 16, 2012

what is been going on lately?!

I have a ton on my mind! But 1st and formost before i get inot a long boring blog...I went Saturday night and seen Mr.Brad Paisley in concert we were on the floor row 28!! Amazing seats! I had a blast

Ok onto whats on my mind!!
MY WEIGHT....................Boys and girls iv gained weight and its driving me nuts and i HATE HATE HATE it!

I had gastric bypass almost 2 years ago the 29th of this month will be 2 years
day of surgery i was 287
my weight a few months ago was 162 lbs now im 171 thats ALMOST 10 FLIPPEN POUNDS!!!
i can see it in my face my face is getting so fat and puffy
so my mind is going crazy i need to get these 10lbs off before i get with in the next determind!! i go to the diatiten on wed  i hope she can give me some tips...

i started provera on sunday so today is day 2 of 10 as soon as my period comes we will start the gonal f shots..i figued out that if we get pregnant this time around we will be due the 2nd-3rd week in november (i think) so we will have Coltons bday in oct, or babys bday in nov and blaze in dec kinda cool if it all works out like knowing that all  this fertility stuff is coming up soon stresses me and scares the hell out of me

..i want to be a mom more then anything!!!

well i will write more in a few days...

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Another Negative....

Well this/last month we did clomid because my period decided to show up on its own and we didn't have the shots on we decided to give it a shot...hoping and praying it worked!! However yesterday i took a pregnavy test and it was


You would think after all the negative pregnancy test i have had in my life that it wouldn't affect me...It does it sucks!!! Well Onto shots again..
I will be starting provera on Sunday and as soon as my period 3 of my period we will do the gonal-f lets hope we have a sticky baby bean this time..another mc would tear my heart apart\ the point i might even give up...but anywho...its been a busy week

Looking forward to this weekend.. Brad Paisley Concert row 28! should be fun!!

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Is been awhile

Hello!! Its been awhile since i have wrote...Nothing much has been going on. My nephew Blaze spent the night over the weekend..that was fun! I really enjoy having the kid around. An old friend of mine her father passed away over the weekend i wll be attend that funeral Friday morning. May God be with her and her family in this time of need! This week is another busy week...Yesterday (Monday) i did a ton of cleaning and today(tues) i took my grandmother grocery shopping..then Wed blood work at mayo then i get to do a 24hour urine sample thing, know where you have to pee in a bottle for 24hours yeah pretty much is gross..haha..then thur have to run that back into mayo and then Mike is going to look at the laptop! Lordy i have had so much trouble with this laptop and its not even mine!! Hopefully after all said and done my sister will sell it to us...i enjoy at night sitting and typing on the laptop relaxing and writing my blogs...much better then the desk computer...don't get my wrong i love our desk computer!!
Then Fri the funeral..busy week...but i like to stay busy!

Well i take a pregnancy test tomorrow...pretty sure its a negative...i took one like an hour ago and it was negative...then i will get my provera and start that...then as soon as my period arrives we will start the gonal f shots again! The gonal f shots arrived in the mail today! I was so happy!!

well hope everything is doing well

Friday, January 6, 2012



Thursday, January 5, 2012

long lost brother....(a random blog, nothing to do with infertility or getting pg)

So i have a brother that lives in Illinois and i have never met in my life!! We have been talking alot, threw text and facebook email..Hes younger then me..He met my dad for the 1st time a year back or so..He seems like a pretty good Kid...he has had his up and downs but i believe he has learned from his mistakes and hes moving forward! He wants to go to collage and get PHD in Psychology with an associates in the medical field. I have faith in him and i hope he achieves his goals in life! Someday we shall meet! I Hope sooner then later!! Maybe Next time i visit...........
I hope! But tonight he told me" good night sis i really enjoyed talking " it made me feel great!! i smiled

I have 2 amazing sisters who i adore and love so much and i have such a strong bond with! I hope some day i have that bond with my brother...and my kids will have an uncle!!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

This Song Says it All!!!

I would Die for that
Kelly Coffey

Jenny was my best friend.
Went away one summer.
Came back with a secret
She just couldn't keep.
A child inside her,
Was just too much for her
So she cried herself to sleep.

And she made a decision
Some find hard to accept.
To young to know that one day
She might live to regret.

But I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that she had.
I would die for that.

I've been given so much,
A husband that I love.So why do I feel incomplete?
With every test and checkup
We're told not to give up.
He wonders if it's him.
And I wonder if it's me.

All I want is a family,
Like everyone else I see.
And I won't understand it
If it's not meant to be.

Cause I would die for that.
Just to have one chance
To hold in my hands
All that they have.
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
For that kind of love,
What I'd give up!
I would die for that.

Sometimes it's hard to conceive,
With all that I've got,
And all I've achieved,
What I want most
Before my time is gone,
Is to hear the words
"I love you, Mom."

I would die for that.
Just to have once chance
To hold in my hands
What so many have
I would die for that.

And I want to know what it's like
To bring a dream to life.
How I would love
What some give up.
I would die ...
I would die for that.

feel like a failure sometimes.

Do you ever get the feeling your a failure in life? I know we all get that feeling sometimes or at least once in our lives...Well here we go...i have that feeling...
why i feel like a failure

1) i can't make my husband a dad
2) iv gained weight after gastirc bypass,,,and i feel like a major fatty
3) my house is so un organized
4)i have no energy to do anything
5) i don't see any of my friends (however they don't make any effert to see me neither)
6) i feel like a horrible aunt because i don't see my neice and nephews enough
7) i feel like a horrible granddaughters because i don't visit my grandmother enough
8)i feel like a horrible daughter i do visit my mom enough
9) my body is broken
10)i can' even have a baby!!, or make my mom another grandma! I should have 1 kid by now, i should have been the 1st to get pregnant not my younger sisters!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

iv try ed to fix these...but i fail...i fail at making baby's...i fail at getting the weight off..i fail at it all!!!!!!!!!!!!

i wanna scream, cry, run away!!!!!!!!!!!

if i have made anyone mad or sad i'm sorry!! Im trying to make everything be good..I'M TRYING TO MAKE EVERYONE HAPPY..........INCLUDING MYSELF....

flu...or pregnacy...or just tired...

Today has been a crummy day!! Its either the flu, or i'm pregnant or just wore out..Lets hope its pregnant.. not keeping my hopes up to high..but some cramps and feeling yucky and just tired...still early to take a pregnacy test but just maybe all we can do is hope and pray!! But like i said my hopes are not that high...i could just be tired because i have not been sleeping very good and we have been busy!!!.. today has been a lazy day i did run grandma to kwik trip and then we went to the grocery store then i came home and been in bed most of the day..waiting for my huby to come we can have dinner! but i'm really not that hungry but i will try to eat something...been drinking alot of water so thas good!!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Reiki and Infertility

A friend of ours emailed me one day and told me that she is a Reiki teacher and that i should really give it a try. I had no clue what reiki was. She emailed me a bunch of information and all sounded good to me. Like i said at this point i'm ready to give anything a try to get pregnant and have a healthy full term pregnancy. So i emailed her and said i wanted to give it a try. Last Tuesday was my 1st session and boy it was nice! Very relaxing and i felt so refreshed after it. Today was my 2nd session and again i felt relaxed and refreshed. You just feel so good after your session, drink lots of water after it!!
You lay on a nice soft table and there is soft music playing and the lights are turned down low and she starts at the tip of my head and works her way down to my toes..working alot on my belly area. i really enjoy it. i have another appt next tue. Hope to keep going..i know it helps with my stress alot!!

I found some information that i would like to share with you!!


Reiki and infertility

New self-help trends in Infertility

What effect can REIKI have on fertility?

Over the years Devorah Kur (Registered Therapeutic Reflexologist and Advanced Reiki Practitioner) has treated many infertility patients (those trying naturally to conceive and those at specialist clinics) with a high percentage of pregnancy success. The way she goes about this is by empowering the patient. There is a role for the patient to play and patients are discovering that when they actively get involved and take control of their condition, they start to notice changes or shifts both on a physiological level as well as an emotional level.

The fertility journey is emotionally draining and frustrating, and patients report feeling powerless during waiting phases, desperate, depressed and helpless.

By introducing REIKI into infertility treatments, Devorah has found that patients are able to have a shift in their stress levels, as well as a greater shift towards being hopeful with a more positive outlook.

What is Reiki?

Reiki means ‘universal life energy’ in Japanese and is a natural Japanese technique for stress reduction and relaxation that promotes healing. It is based on the principle that negativity is caused by a disruption in the body’s energy field or life force. By channelling energy, it is believed that the body can be filled with positive energy causing the negative energy to release. Reiki is not the removal of symptoms; it is about releasing the cause of breakdown in the body back to a state of alignment and health.

Reiki connects to the spiritual element within us, our life-force energy, and is administered by 'laying-on of hands' in different positions on the body. It is a non-invasive treatment. Energy fields in the body have different vibratory levels and reiki practitioners use their hands to affect and rebalance these vibrations in the negatively affected part of the body.

Reiki brings you in touch with your emotions and feels like a wonderful glowing radiance that flows through and around you. It treats the whole person, including body, emotions, mind and spirit creating many beneficial effects that include relaxation and feelings of peace, security and well-being.

What can Reiki do for you? Reiki will help you…
  • De-stress about your infertility
  • Change your negative mindset by shifting you into a positive space
  • Relax when it is so difficult to relax
  • Release mental blocks you may have about fertility
  • Make healthy lifestyle changes and give you a feeling of encouragement

People say, “Just relax and it will happen” or “Don’t be so stressed” or “Just give it some time”

You have tried relaxing and not stressing, but it is with you all the time, consuming you! You don’t know how! Reiki will help switch off your mind and all the doubtful and negative chatter. Once in this space, your mind will be relaxed and open to suggestion. This is where Devorah introduces powerful healing positive affirmations concerning fertility. The benefit of hearing these suggestions in a deeply relaxed state alters past thinking and creates new possibilities for the patient.

Empowering the patient with the tools to be more relaxed, calm and hopeful about their situation is a key element in coping.
“When my dreaded period arrives each month, it comes with disappointment, disbelief and resentment. These Reiki sessions have helped shift me out of negative thought patterns and have put me into a new hopeful cycle. I also feel more relaxed and less stressed afterwards, which is a huge change for me.” Woman trying to conceive for 14 months

Reiki healing is very useful during pregnancy and in treating infertility. Infertility compels the couple having trouble in conceiving to explore all possible ways to treat their problem. In desperation they are normally prepared to do anything to have their dream baby.
What most people do not realize is that this desperation actually adds to the stress and strain and further reduces the chances of pregnancy. With the help of Reiki energy infertile couples can
1. remove the imbalance in the pelvic and reproductive area
2. calm the mind and ensure that only positive energy and thoughts enter the system
3. with the help of Reiki couples with unexplained infertility stand to gain most. In case of women who are unable to conceive due to specific medical reasons which have been identified, Reiki will help you cope with the treatment better and restore your health faster

My New Morning and Night Drink...**yummy**

So My Reiki teacher told me about Red Raspberry Tea and said i should drink it...Yep pretty sure it was going to be nasty!! But i got it Friday Night and have been drinking it ever since...

Iv done some research and found out Red Raspberry Tea is good for the woman's body!!

Many women are misinformed about this herbal, please read carefully. Brewed as a tea, used by capsule or as an infusion, raspberry leaf is one of the safest and commonly used tonic herbs for women wanting to get pregnant or for women who are already pregnant. Red Raspberry Leaf (Rubus idaeus) tones the uterus, and decreases constipation. This herbal is good to use for those who have had previous miscarriages, and problems with cysts. Red Raspberry Leaf has been taken during pregnancy, and after birth, given at a stronger dosage which is Tincture.

At this point in trying to conceive a baby i'm willing to try almost anything...and what can it hurt? Its healthy and good for my body!!

Moody or Cranky? Do you know the diffrence.....

So my husband as me a question today... whats the difference between moody and cranky..humm good question so i looked it up...

Moody:Given to frequent changes of mood; temperamental.
Cranky: Having a bad disposition; peevish.

So with that said.. I am defiantly more Moody then i am Cranky...My moods do change alot...specially on fertility medication...i don't know my family puts up with it..but there good at it...



Monday, January 2, 2012


 I MISS my job!! Its so hard to have a job when  you doing fertility treatments your in and out of the doctors office and can't miss them have to get ultrasounds and bloodwork done on certain days at certain times! I had the best job working at Brighthorizons and they worked with me so well!! But it got to be so hard and stressfull!!
There is a Nanny Job in winona i would love to take 10$ an hour to watch a baby  i would love to do it! and the drive to winona is so easy and duing the winter time the roads are always clean...But No! Because if we start Gonal-F shots in a few weeks i can't take the job because once agian, back and forth from rochester for ultrasounds and doctors appt!! How i wish i had a job..kinda silly huh...I miss all my girls at BrightHorizons! They always made the day go good, and always had something funny to say!!
I miss it

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Its ok to cry.........


Yep its ok to Cry...i have random odd just burst into tear moments...and tonight was one of them..i cryed and cryed and cryed..on my wonderful husbands shoulder really i couldn't ask for a better man in my life. I know some of you can't even begin to wrap your silly head around what we are going threw..We want to be parents we would give anything to be parents...we are trying everything to become parents.. Its has even gone so far where i'm doing Reiki to help relive stress,drinking herbal tea, and doing detox diets just to ovulate!! No i'm on the path to exercising and eating right...I don't wanna eat to much, but yet don't wanna eat to little..don't wanna eat the wrong stuff, but  yet don't wanna deprive the next couple of weeks i will be taking the dreaded pregnancy test...yep dreaded is right because out of the lots and lots i have taken 99% of them were negative!!!!  it never gets easier seeing that negative sign..even if you know in you heart before you take the test that its negative! You still have that little bit of hope that your gut feeling is wrong a little spark of hope...but...most of the time your gut is right..