2 week wait is over.....And bam....it all happens so fast

WE GOT OUR 1ST BFP(big fat positive)!!! We were in pure shock..yes shock, not happy go lucky not crying nothing...shock...i called and asked my mom if pregnancy test lie..she told me to go get another one so i did...and again a bfp!! At this point i was scared and so was leo...we did call and tell his parents and mine and my grandmother and a few friends...after almost 8yrs of trying you wanna tell everyone...bad idea nextime i will wait

i went into work and told all my co-works i was pregnant we were all happy and excited...i was having some cramping nothing to bad...just thought it was implantation cramps...and had some blood...wasn't to worried...until 2 days later..went into work. and i was bleeding alot...i left work with my  mom and went to the er and they did hcg leves and a us but couldn't find anything on a us and my hcg leves were pretty low.. pretty much the doc didn't tell me anything besides wait it out...
**here is what i wrote on facebook for all my friends/family to read**
Might as well just copy it instead of typing it twice


Well....since i have so many friends and family on here i though i would just tell it all...
The end of September i took a pregnancy test after our 1st round of shots... we got a big fast positive...ok many of them because i took alot of test...very excited...but i was only 3 1/2 -4 weeks along...got confirmation from the doctor that we were pregnant... a few days later i started bleeding at work... i left work went into the er....they did blood work and us...my hcg levels were 220...and nothing showed on us (just to early) doc said your hcg levels should be higher it looks like you could be mc...so i was sad very sad....i had to go back in for blood work 2 days later...hcg levels drooped to 170...then the doc said we want one more hcg level test in 2 days and most likely it will be 5 or below...well needless to say the test came back and hcg levels were 567 i was confused....so the doctor said you could still be pregnant...it could be a ectopic pregnancy, a blight ovum pregnant or you could of had been carrying twins and lost one...ok so i'm getting a little excited there is some hope....so blood work again 2 days later it was 876 good the doctor said... so...leo and i went in for a us on a friday and they seen 1 getnstational sack with a yok measuring perfect and another getstantional sack with no yok...so they said that could still form or just go away...so we waited another week until we were 7 weeks and 2 days along had another us...they said we should be able to see the heart beat and that baby....well this was yesterday....and the devistation news happened...there was nothing no baby no heartbeat no nothing....it broke my heart....so were not pregnant....i go in for a d&e on monday...this is going to be one of the hardest things ever...this was exactly what i didn't want to happen....its been a very hard and long emotional rollocoster not just for me but for leo..He is truly amazing been there by my side! I couldn't ask for a better husband or a better family or friends...............so with that said......instead of keeping everyone in the dark...this is what is going on....so don't be upset if i don't wanna go party, drink or really do anything... i am doing what i need to do for myself to keep myself going and to cope...




I had my D&E done on Oct 31st...it was an in and out prosses...but it makes you feel empy and lost..like your just blank and you don't know what to think anymore..like something is missing..and something was missing my child..my unborn baby who was suppose to go full term..and be in my harms!!  It took about a week of being blah not wanting to be around anyone or talk or even cry...and bam everything hit me the loneliness of missing family and friends the fact that i'm childless i cryed..alot..i cryed during stupid times i cried when a song was on the radio...but i needed to...i had to...i couldn't keep it inside anymore,,,

So with all that said... Its almost been a month since that crushing news/doctors appt has happened... I am doing better and feeling better and getting out and doing more things. I however am no longer working my choice i know the money was great but i can't deal with the stress of driving to rochester every day and the stress of working in an infant room. I loved my job, i loved my co workers however just right now i can't do it.

I had an amazing Thanksgiving with my family we always have yummy food and good times...

Jan 1st of 2012 we will be on the road to TTC again.. i start my medication to give me a period and we will go from there..
I scared to get pregnant again i want everything to turn out fine. I will only tell leo's parents my parents and grandmother that we are pregnant... i will not tell anyone else until we are alot alot alot farther along....


But i jut got to hope for the best and stay positive!!