i sit and wonder......

I sit and wonder if my time will ever come as a mother...This 2 week wait is killing me...iv had some symptoms of pregnancy however since im on progesterone that can give me the same symptoms! I want anything more then to be a mom..8 long years is to long on my heart..it gets to the point were nothing surprises me i don't cry anymore..i try to keep myself calm and stress free but..if you know me..im a stresser..easier said then done...i have so many options to think about...do i take a few months of again

drop another 15lbs and then start again? i do believe weight plays a factor i did get pregnant when i was at my lowest weight..i would love to join a gym i can't afford with between bills, and fertility medication, ect..and i would like to get a new vehicle but i don't see that happening anytime in the near future....

...do i stick with femera and do a few more rounds and hope for the best? insurances covered the femera so it only cost 3$ very nice on the pocket book...i didn't have any mature follies last round..but i did get a positive opk test..however..just because i got a positive opk dosent mean i actually ovulated it could mean i just had a lh surge...do i go back go gonal f shots sits my body responded to them? but yet im scared to over stimmulte and waste so much money.....do i just wait and save money and do iui and gonal f in jan...and just keep doing femera until then?

so many options i don't know what to do anymore..i wanted to be pregnant like 8yrs ago..and have like 10 kids...but heck i can't even have one...it makes you feel less of a woman..like you fail in life..you can't make your husband a dad..your father and mother grandparents or your brother or sisters aunts or uncles...ugh...life sucks sometimes.......i get sick of hearing........

1) your time will come

2) just adopt there are so many children that need familys( ok if i had the money to adopts don't you think i would have moved forward in my infertility treatments?!?)

3) take a few months off (i have many many times..it don't work)

so really...am i ment to be a mother?! or will i be an aunt forever and never get to experiences motherhood??