Great News Today!!

Well We did more shots and had another Ultrasound today!!
and we had an "almost" mature follie..so 1 more day of shots and then we take our ovadril shot on Friday!!!!! So all it takes is one follie!! so fingers crossed that we got our miracle baby!! Im excited were go away for the weekend and going to stay at a hotel and relax!!! Im so thankful for all the love and support everyone has gave Leo and i! i would be so lost with out all my friends and family!!

So: YIPPIE for good news :)

Have a great weekend everyone!!!
Bring on the baby dust and prayers!

A BIG FAT.........

we are ovulating with out my ovadril!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A BIG FAT POSITIVE FOR OVULATION!! YIPPIE!!

Will i ever be?,,,,,,,,,

Will i ever be a mom? That question no one can ever answer...but why does it hurt so much? iv been doing good...but this last couple of days my moods are horrible and i feel like life sucks...i just don't feel happy..i mean i am happy i have the most amazing husband and family ever..but i feel a piece of me is empty...also...went threw the milestone of my ""estimated due date June 10th"" now October is coming up in a few months..October 25th was the day i had my ultrasound and found out there were no babies growing and Halloween was my dread d&c..i know i shouldn't dwell on the past..and im a very strong person...but sometimes things just hurt..my heart hurts...Kind of a slap in the fast a few days ago..i went on one of my websites i have not been on since i found out i was pg last yr..and it said..your baby should be 7 weeks now..yep...i should have a baby/or/babies in my house...i should be a momma...why can't i just let it go?? i mean its dumb right?!? dumb i can't move on?  i know there are a few that understand me..and a few of you that may not...but..im trying to be strong...but all i want do is...scream and cry and just throw my hands up and be done with all the medications and doctors appt..but i can't be..because that's my only hope of becoming a mother..i don't have the money to adopt..

Watching my nephews and niece grow up has been a blessing, im so glade they are healthy and growing like weeds and that their parents allow me to be involved in there lives. I love them to the moon and back and much more........Had a family reunion today it was fun.....so many kids..and yet leo and i were the only ones with out kids......i enjoyed watching all the kids run around and play but my heart kinda hurt..but thats ok..i will go on..i will put my happy face on and everything will be ok..thas ok to live life like that right?!? well..enough of this i will write more tue after my doc appt!!

****leave you with some pictures, take a few min and look at them ****




I Wish It Didn’t Bother Me

I wish it didn’t bother me
But in the depths of my heart 
and soul it does.

I long to be a mother 
And to hold my child close
To pick out names
Toys and clothes

I want to show a baby 
love so true and dear
To hug and kiss and cuddle with

I wish it didn’t bother me
To see all my friends and family
Being a Mommy or expecting

Going to showers 
Seeing Maternity Photos
It is heart breaking to know
That I will never experience it

Yea I can adopt
But it’s really not the same.
I wish it didn’t bother me

I want to feel the kicks
I want know what it is like
People say I am lucky
But I disagree

The heartbreak one feels
Being unable to bear children
It is indescribable

I wish it didn’t bother me 
But it does

To try and tell the guy you love
That you are unable to give him
Children of his own

What if he can’t handle it
He can’t accept that you’re damaged goods
What if he leaves you for a new girl
One that can give him kids

It is a cruel fate 
That I wouldn’t wish 
Even on my worst of enemies

Sometimes I just need to cry
I need someone to confide in
But despite their greatest efforts
They just don’t understand

I wish it didn’t bother me
But unfortunately it does



~ Nicole Richardson
   6/24/2012

Body Image problems.........i know i have this!!

i am writing this blog..because i believe i have this!!

not only do i still see myself as this much heavier person..i use tummy tuckers to suck in any fat and skin  i have even if its  ungodly hot outside i will still put them on...if i going out for dinner, or movie, or any other place besides family or the grocery or gas station i will have to put my make up on so you can't see the extra facial hair due to pcos....i enjoy staying home so i don't have to do all these things.. i don't starve myself..but there are days i don't feel like eating... lord if i gain 2-3lbs i freak out.....but its taking over my life.. i am NOT that almost 300lbs person anymore.. i AM  beautiful..and if YOU.or ANYONE else dosen't like the extra hair..then your not my friend....i need to over come this.. when i go to the doctor in the next week or two i will be talking to her about this!!

What Is Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

Body dysmorphic disorder is a type of chronic mental illness in which you can't stop thinking about a flaw with your appearance — a flaw that is either minor or imagined. But to you, your appearance seems so shameful that you don't want to be seen by anyone. Body dysmorphic disorder has sometimes been called "imagined ugliness."

When you have body dysmorphic disorder, you intensely obsess over your appearance and body image, often for many hours a day. You may seek out numerous cosmetic procedures to try to "fix" your perceived flaws, but never will be satisfied. Body dysmorphic disorder is also known as dysmorphophobia, the fear of having a deformity.

Treatment of body dysmorphic disorder may include medication and cognitive behavioral therapy.

Symptoms

By Mayo Clinic staff

Signs and symptoms of body dysmorphic disorder include:

• Preoccupation with your physical appearance
• Strong belief that you have an abnormality or defect in your appearance that makes you ugly
• Frequent examination of yourself in the mirror or, conversely, avoidance of mirrors altogether
• Belief that others take special notice of your appearance in a negative way
• The need to seek reassurance about your appearance from others
• Frequent cosmetic procedures with little satisfaction
• Excessive grooming, such as hair plucking
• Extreme self-consciousness
• Refusal to appear in pictures
• Skin picking
• Comparison of your appearance with that of others
• Avoidance of social situations
• The need to wear excessive makeup or clothing to camouflage perceived flaws

You may obsess over any part of your body, but common features people may obsess about include:

• Nose
• Hair
• Skin
• Complexion
• Wrinkles
• Acne and blemishes
• Baldness
• Breast size
• Muscle size
• Genitalia

The body feature you focus on may change over time. You may be so convinced about your perceived flaws that you become delusional, imagining something about your body that's not true, no matter how much someone tries to convince you otherwise.

When to see a doctorShame and embarrassment about your appearance may keep you from seeking treatment for body dysmorphic disorder. But if you have any signs or symptoms of body dysmorphic disorder, see your doctor, mental health provider or other health professional. Body dysmorphic disorder usually doesn't get better on its own, and if untreated, it may get worse over time and lead to suicidal thoughts and behavior.

Risk factors

By Mayo Clinic staff

Although the precise cause of body dysmorphic disorder isn't known, certain factors seem to increase the risk of developing or triggering the condition, including:

• Having biological relatives with body dysmorphic disorder
• Childhood teasing
• Low self-esteem
• Societal pressure or expectations of beauty
• Having another psychiatric disorder, such as anxiety or depression

Body dysmorphic disorder usually starts in adolescence. It affects men and women in similar numbers.

Complications

By Mayo Clinic staff

Complications that body dysmorphic disorder may cause or be associated with include:

• Suicidal thoughts or behavior
• Repeated hospitalizations
• Depression and other mood disorders
• Anxiety disorders
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder
• Eating disorders
• Social phobia
• Substance abuse
• Low self-esteem
• Social isolation
• Difficulty attending work or school
• Lack of close relationships
• Unnecessary medical procedures, especially cosmetic surgery
• The need to stay housebound

Tests and diagnosis

By Mayo Clinic staff

If your doctor or mental health provider believes you may have body dysmorphic disorder or another mental illness, he or she typically runs a series of medical and psychological tests and exams. These can help pinpoint a diagnosis, rule out other problems that could be causing your symptoms, and also check for any related complications. However, if you don't mention your concerns, it's possible that body dysmorphic disorder can go undiagnosed for a long time.

These exams and tests generally include:

• Physical exam. This may include measuring height and weight, checking vital signs, such as heart rate, blood pressure and temperature, listening to your heart and lungs, and examining your abdomen.
• Laboratory tests. These may include a complete blood count (CBC), screening for alcohol and drugs, and a check of your thyroid function.
• Psychological evaluation. A doctor or mental health provider will talk to you about your thoughts, feelings and behavior patterns. He or she will ask about your symptoms, including when they started, how severe they are, how they affect your daily life and whether you've had similar episodes in the past. You'll also discuss any thoughts you may have of suicide, self-harm or harming others.

Pinpointing which condition you haveIt can be difficult to diagnose body dysmorphic disorder. This may be because you're so embarrassed about your appearance that you avoid medical help, because you don't reveal your true feelings to doctors or because you don't even realize that your body image is distorted. Also, body dysmorphic disorder has signs and symptoms that are similar to other conditions, such as an eating disorder or obsessive-compulsive disorder, so your doctor must rule these conditions out first. It can take some time and effort to get an accurate diagnosis. Be sure to stick with it, though, so that you can get appropriate treatment.

Diagnostic criteria for body dysmorphic disorder
To be diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder, you must meet the symptom criteria spelled out in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), which is published by the American Psychiatric Association.

Symptom criteria required for a diagnosis of body dysmorphic disorder include:

• Being extremely preoccupied with an imagined defect or a minor flaw in your appearance
• Being so preoccupied with appearance that it causes you significant distress or problems in your social, work, school or other areas of functioning

Treatments and drugs

By Mayo Clinic staff

Treatment of body dysmorphic disorder can be difficult, especially if you aren't a willing and active participant in your care. But effective treatment can be successful.

Treatment options: Cognitive behavioral therapy and medicationsThe two main treatments for body dysmorphic disorder are:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy
• Medications, such as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs)

Often, treatment involves a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy and medications.

Cognitive behavioral therapy for body dysmorphic disorderCognitive behavioral therapy focuses on teaching you healthy behaviors, such as being social and avoiding obsessive behaviors, such as mirror checking. Therapy can help you learn about your condition and your feelings, thoughts, mood and behavior. Using the insights and knowledge you gain in psychotherapy, you can learn to stop automatic negative thoughts and to see yourself in a more realistic and positive way. You can also learn healthy ways to handle urges or rituals, such as mirror checking or skin picking.

You and your therapist can talk about which type of therapy is right for you, your goals for therapy, and other issues, such as the number of sessions and the length of treatment.

Medications for body dysmorphic disorderThere are no medications specifically approved by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) to treat body dysmorphic disorder. However, psychiatric medications used to treat other conditions, such as depression, can be prescribed for body dysmorphic disorder off-label — that is, even if they haven't been specifically FDA approved for that use.

Because body dysmorphic disorder is thought to be caused in part by problems related to the brain chemical serotonin, the medications prescribed most commonly are selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs). SSRIs appear to be more effective than other antidepressant medications for body dysmorphic disorder.

SSRIs may help control your obsessions and repetitive behaviors. In general, treatment of body dysmorphic disorder requires higher doses of these medications than does depression. You can gradually increase your dose to make sure you can tolerate the medication and possible side effects, such as weight gain or a change in sexual desire.

It may take as long as 12 weeks for noticeable improvement in your symptoms. You may need to try two or more medications before finding one that works well for you and has the fewest side effects. And you may need to try other types of antidepressants or medications if the main choices aren't effective enough.

In some cases, you may benefit from taking medications in addition to your primary antidepressant medication. For instance, your doctor may recommend that you take an antipsychotic medication in addition to an SSRI if you have delusions related to body dysmorphic disorder.

The risk of relapse is typically high once you stop taking a medication for body dysmorphic disorder. You may need to continue to take a medication indefinitely, especially if you've had suicidal thoughts or behavior in the past.

HospitalizationIn some cases, your body dysmorphic disorder symptoms may be so severe that you require psychiatric hospitalization. Psychiatric hospitalization is generally recommended only when you aren't able to care for yourself properly or when you're in immediate danger of harming yourself or someone else. Psychiatric hospitalization options include 24-hour inpatient care, partial or day hospitalization, or residential treatment, which offers a supportive place to live.

Cosmetic proceduresWhile it may seem that a procedure to "fix" your perceived flaw is a good option, cosmetic surgery, dentistry or other approaches usually don't relieve the stress and shame of body dysmorphic disorder. You may not get the results you hoped for, or you may simply begin obsessing about another aspect of your appearance and seek out more cosmetic procedures. Cosmetic procedures don't treat your underlying condition — they are only temporary fixes, at best.

Lifestyle and home remedies

By Mayo Clinic staff

In most cases, body dysmorphic disorder won't get better if you try to treat it on your own. But you can do some things for yourself that will build on your professional treatment plan, such as:

• Stick to your treatment plan. Don't skip therapy sessions, even if you don't feel like going.
• Take your medications as directed. Even if you're feeling well, resist any temptation to skip your medications. If you stop, symptoms may come back. You could also experience withdrawal-like symptoms from stopping a medication too suddenly.
• Learn about your condition. Education about body dysmorphic disorder can empower you and motivate you to stick to your treatment plan.
• Pay attention to warning signs. Work with your doctor or therapist to learn what might trigger your symptoms. Make a plan so that you know what to do if symptoms return. Contact your doctor or therapist if you notice any changes in symptoms or how you feel.
• Get active. Physical activity and exercise can help manage many symptoms, such as depression, stress and anxiety. Activity can also counteract the effects of some psychiatric medications that may cause weight gain. Consider walking, jogging, swimming, gardening or taking up another form of exercise you enjoy.
• Avoid drugs and alcohol. Alcohol and illegal drugs can worsen mental illness symptoms or interact with medications.
• Get routine medical care. Don't neglect checkups or skip visits to your family doctor, especially if you aren't feeling well. You may have a new health problem that needs to be addressed, or you may be experiencing side effects of medication.

Coping and support

By Mayo Clinic staff

Coping with body dysmorphic disorder can be challenging. It also makes it hard to do things that may help you feel better. Talk to your doctor or therapist about improving your coping skills, and consider these tips to cope with body dysmorphic disorder:

• Write in a journal to express pain, anger, fear or other emotions.
• Don't become isolated. Try to participate in normal activities and get together with family or friends regularly.
• Take care of yourself by eating a healthy diet and getting sufficient sleep.
• Read reputable self-help books and consider talking about them to your doctor or therapist.
• Join a support group so that you can connect to others facing similar challenges.
• Stay focused on your goals. Recovery from body dysmorphic disorder is an ongoing process. Stay motivated by keeping your recovery goals in mind. Remind yourself that you're responsible for managing your illness and working toward your goals.
• Learn relaxation and stress management. Try such stress-reduction techniques as meditation, yoga or tai chi.
• Don't make important decisions, such as having cosmetic surgery, when you're in the depths of despair or distress, because you may not be thinking clearly.

Pcos, pregnancy and miscarriage!(info blog)

Is the miscarriage rate higher in women with PCOS?

There does appear to be a higher miscarriage rate in women with PCOS, but the exact reason is still under investigation. According to some studies, the risk of miscarriage in women with PCOS is 45 percent or more. One possibility is that early loss is associated with elevated levels of luteinizing hormone — and women with PCOS often have elevated LH levels — but the reason why it relates to miscarriage is not understood. Another possibility is that elevated levels of insulin or glucose may impede implantation or cause problems with the embryonic development. There is a clear association between uncontrolled blood sugar and pregnancy loss, but the issue of insulin resistance and elevated insulin levels is relatively new and in need of further study. There is a possibility that insulin resistance reduces egg quality. That leads to another possibility — that late ovulation (after cycle day 16) may be associated with poor follicle development and decreased egg quality. 

Is there anything that can be done to reduce the chance of miscarriage in a woman with PCOS?

The primary way to reduce miscarriage associated with PCOS is to normalize hormone levels. For women with low progesterone levels in the luteal phase, improving ovulation through the use of clomiphene citrate, or injectable FSH or FSH/LH may help the problem. Addressing ovulation issues is more useful than progesterone supplementation as low progesterone is usually a symptom of a problem, such a weak ovulation, rather than the actual cause of miscarriage. Normalizing blood sugar and glucose levels may help, and lead to lower androgen levels, so use of metformin (see next question) during pregnancy is increasing. Most doctors would have patients discontinue use of the glitazones. 

Can metformin reduce the chance of miscarriage?

It appears that continuing metformin use at least through early pregnancy may reduce the chance of miscarriage, especially in patients with recurrent losses. A recent abstract, "Metformin throughout pregnancy in women with polycystic ovary syndrome reduces first-trimester miscarriage" (CJ Glueck et al, J Invest Med 2000), revealed a group's experience with 59 pregnant PCOS women. Of these, 23 were kept on metformin for the long haul. The other 36 did not continue metformin in pregnancy. This is a very small sample, but the miscarriage rate was 45 percent without metformin and only nine percent with metformin. Chi-square testing showed these rates to be highly significant from a statistical point of view, but their true clinical impact must await further prospective studies. As with any medication used in pregnancy, doctor and patient must assess whether the benefit outweighs any potential risk. 

Does having PCOS make pregnancy high risk?

The answer to this may depend a little on the definition of high risk. Most PCOS patients can see a regular OBGYN, or perinatologist. Anyone who is severely insulin resistant, diabetic, or has high blood pressure may need to see a high-risk OBGYN. This is an issue to be decided by doctor and patient together. 

Does a pregnant woman with PCOS require special monitoring?

Some special monitoring may make sense — such as earlier gestational diabetes screening or home glucose monitoring. Beyond that it depends on the PCOS symptoms experienced by the patient before pregnancy. Anyone taking medication may require additional monitoring. Many of the issues one needs to watch for are included in routine pregnancy care. For example, a woman with borderline hypertension before is more likely to have increased blood pressure in pregnancy, but most doctors check all patients for blood pressure issues. 

Is low-carbohydrate dieting healthy in pregnancy?

A diet that is very low in carbohydrates is not safe during pregnancy. If the body is too low on resources, it will burn fat for calories. A byproduct of this is ketones, and these may not be healthy for the growing fetus. It is best to follow a meal plan that allows consumption of vegetables and complex carbohydrates at each meal and snack. A couple of the plans listed in the weight section are safe during pregnancy, and consultation with a nutritionist familiar with gestational diabetes may help. 

Can insulin-sensitizing medications such as metformin and the glitazones be taken during pregnancy?

It has been recognized for years that high glucose levels can have a detrimental effect on the growing fetus and most doctors would suggest diet and/or insulin injections to control this, but recently there has been discussion that high insulin levels may be just as damaging.

Continuing metformin in pregnancy is an area of controversy — some doctors won't prescribe it to women who are trying to conceive, some tell patients to discontinue metformin after a positive pregnancy test, some wait for a heartbeat, some treat through the first trimester, and others continue the medication throughout the pregnancy. There are some studies that indicate continuing the medication may reduce the risk of miscarriage. The long-term risks to the baby are not known, but many apparently healthy babies have been born to women who used metformin while pregnant. Metformin is a Pregnancy Category B drug, meaning that it has not been known to cause birth defects in rats, but there are no adequate studies in pregnant women and the choice to continue metformin should be based on whether one considers the potential benefits to outweigh the risks. This is an area where a woman and her doctor have to weigh the risks and benefits together.

As for the glitazones, Avandia and Actos are considered safe to the patient using them, but both are listed as Pregnancy Category C medications. Most doctors will ask patients to discontinue use of these medications during pregnancy.

A NICE long Break!!

Well ladys and Gents...Nothing to new going on...We are on a TTC break for now..I have a doc appt July 24th to talk about doing IUI treatments in Aug..Im excited, very excited!! I hope it works the first time..please keep us in your prayers as we will need them!! After that appt i will write another blog and let everyone know what the next step for us is going to be :)
As for now im relaxing and loving life... no medications!!! No feeling depressed or sad because i yet again got another bfn...Iv felt great! Not really doing the whole weight loss thing.just watching everything i eat and exercise...if i don't drop another 12lbs...thats ok..im still down well over a hundred pounds and happy!!

Well lets talk about a crazy topic PCOS AND HAIR!!! if you have pcos, girl you know what im talking about..hair every place it shouldn't be and it makes you feel like a man..and makes you depressed!! I would Give anything to not have this hair..it was horrible in high school and jr when i got picked on...So yesterday i got my face wax...did it hurt yes....did it take away alot of the hair yes..did my face break out from yes...am i pleased with the results...sure...i will be doing 1 more session on sat to get some more waxing done..i know this will help thin the hair grown and slow it down..im excited....just wish it didn't make my face break out..but heck i can cover that up with some makeup..anyone who has pcos and has this problem knows how it makes us feel...and that its one of the worst side affects of pcos..other then infertility..and thats just as bad!

Leo and i are going away next weekend (7th july) for a much needed couples vacation trip, we are going to sioux falls, sd! there is so much stuff we wanna do..im just excited to have my husband to myself for over a week!! just him and i relaxing..no working, no house cleaning, no walking the dogs...sleep till we want to get up..go to bed when we fee like it haha..ok i all ready do that..but he wakes up pretty early!

but other then that..same ol same ol!!

pcos support group

Hello!!!
If you have facebook please add  our pcos support group page it is a closed page, so only we can see what is wrote!! lots of support, info and great people!!

https://www.facebook.com/groups/376599612389058/

MOODY-STRESS-HORMONAL

I HATE all these hormone shots!! They make me so moody

 for no stupid reason and they make my body feel strange...i know all this is worth it and i will do it a million times over if i have to...I just wish it was done and over and we were pregnant...Im so scared about Thursdays ultrasound..i know my blood work was fantastic yesterday but nothing ever seems to go smooth for me..i'm waiting for something bad to go wrong....or for once will something actually go right for once?! only time will tell! 

 I am very blessed to have a great husband...how many man would stick around with a woman who has many emotions and who has pcos/ and can't give them a child!...He never gives up on me...i know some days i have been very hard on him..but hes all i have to lean on sometimes...My mom and sisters have enough to deal with...and i know leo does to....but he somehow makes everything better...even if its a simple text, hug, or making me a hot cup of tea..Even on my worst days he will do something to bring a little smirk to my face...(((Thank you Leo for everything))) <<Our dreams of becoming parents will come true someday, hopefully sooner then later>>

Tomorrow is my ultrasound to see how my body is doing and if i have any released eggs and if any are mature..with my numbers being so high im hoping they are doing great...and we have some that are mature or pretty close to mature! We are on our 2nd Gonal f pen...have a little over 800 units left on it...so lets hope its enough to make it threw this round of fertility treatment!!!! We do have to buy our other medication this week around 140$ worth..ughh stressful... wish money grew on trees...but then we would be all gready people and take everything for granite in life...I am very happy with everything i have...I know i complain but im only human!!

Well that's it for the night!!!!!!!